i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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