i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
