$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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