im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
