If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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