4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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