we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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