mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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