I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
