I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
