just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need moral support for this bender
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
