About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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