I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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