He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
