she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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