dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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