Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
