i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
