So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
