You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
