I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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