i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
