Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
