i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
