meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
