i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
