I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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