Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm passing your future prison.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
