I want to make a zoo with you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
