After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
