haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Come on in and take your pants off
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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