i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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