you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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