What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
