I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
zippers are such a cool invention
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
