Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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