im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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