remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
