I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
