PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
