Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
