I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
