I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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