Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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