Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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