I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
