there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
