I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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