currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
