By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
