New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
