how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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