according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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