Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
