don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
