I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
