i just google imaged poop.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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