He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
