woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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