maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
