I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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