I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
