I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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