The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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