Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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