what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
