I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize