Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
