This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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